


Don't Be Far

by RestlessCancer



Series: Agestuck: What they were like growing up. [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cuteness overload, Family Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2017-12-16 17:58:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/864954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RestlessCancer/pseuds/RestlessCancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a little passage about my head cannon baby Karkat and what it would be like if Kankri were there to raise him and so on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Infancy

**Author's Note:**

> I am planning on making passages for each troll. I may end up doing the kids too...  
> I'm starting with Karkat because he's my absolute favorite troll.

One day there was a knock on the door to the Vantas home. Dolorosa stood with a surprise swaddled in a red blanket in her arms. The babies had finally come. Dolorosa, being the nuturing type, was assigned to deliver the little ones to their families. Kankri was astonished to find his had not been culled. At the same, he knew there had been issues with the hemospectrum and such acts would not be tolerated. But still, he never expected to meet his little one. This little one needed a name and after arguing with Crabdad in hushed tones while the baby Vantas slept, they finally settled on Karkat. Karkat Vantas.

Like the other babies, Karkat mostly slept and ate when he wasn't needing changed. Unlike Kankri, he was terrified of their crustacean lusus, who seemed to be a meshing of a lobster and a crab, rather than just a crab. Perhaps it was the claws or the pincers. Whatever it was, Karkat would have nothing to do with Crabdad. That's how Kankri got roped into caring for him. Somehow, Kankri couldn't resist his tiny little face and the fact that Karkat needed him. 

It wasn't complicated, unless you counted the fact that lowbloods weren't ordinarily allowed to care for their young. It was supposed to be a punishment for lowbloods, a lusus rather than a blood relative caring for the new generation. It was a ploy to kill off the lowbloods, seeing as how the lusi were often not as well suited anatomically for caring for them. It would leave lowbloods in lower numbers, reducing the chances of rebellion and keeping them in manageable numbers in general.

Kankri knew these laws, but looking at Karkat's rounded little face, he couldn't bear the thought of him dying. So he managed to ensure Karkat was sleeping every time the highbloods came for a visit. Crabdad was a little hurt by the baby Vantas' rejection, but seeing that he was still being taken care of, the sting was lessened.

The first stormy night with Karkat was quite the test of Kankri's nerves. The storm struck around midnight, just as Kankri was nodding off into a deeper sleep with his book splayed open on his chest. It was like waking from a nightmare the way he jolted awake. Unsurprisingly, it was not the thunder crashing and booming outside that woke him, but the heart-wrenching cries of Karkat. 

Kankri was always quite jumpy and defensive, which were qualities that were exercised to a neurotic point if he was awake during a storm. However, this particular night was one where he managed to throw his own fears aside and tend to Karkat's. He quickly made his way to Karkat's room and took the crying infant into his arms, inserting Karkat's crab pacifier into his tiny mouth. He swayed back and forth to comfort him, kissing the top of his head. 

Kankri was a little disappointed that night. Karkat refused to sleep any where but in Kankri's arms and that stormy night, Kankri thought he could get away with tucking him into his crib, a place where all babies should be sleeping. He couldn't stay disappointed for long though. After waking early in the morning to give Karkat his bottle, Kankri's heart melted as he saw one of the first and most precious milestones in a child's early years. Once Karkat had finished his morning feeding, he stared up at Kankri and then it came after an impressive yawn for eight month old child.

"Oh my, that was quite the little yawn, kitten." Kankri cooed, feeling himself on the verge of yawning. "You're still sleepy aren't you? Yes."

With a little cough and a adorable flexing of his vocal cords resulting in a little whining sound, Karkat looked up at Kankri and smiled.

"Oooh, aren't you precious? You're trying to butter me up after last night aren't you? Yes, you are!" Kankri smiled in response. "Well, I suppose I can forgive you for wearing my arms down. I can't stay irritated with you. You're too sweet."

The years afterward would prove as much.


	2. Terrific Two's/Early Childhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I switched perspective on you. It's in first person from Kankri's point of view. Each section is a highlight in each stage of Karkat's life and the sections stop at my adult ship for Karkat.
> 
> I have definitely taken some liberties with the timelines by having Dolorosa in place of Porrim so know that and try not to be infuriated or annoyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a really long chapter! There's lots of cuteness though!  
> Side note: if you like the little song I wrote for Kankri to sing to Karkat, I have similar poems under the title of Darling Dana, Please Notice Me.
> 
> SPOILER ALERT!!!!  
> My adult ship for Karkat is Johnkat.

I watch as Karkat awakens, the dimmed sunlight just barely shining in his face. He rubs his eyes, laying on my chest, and looks up at me. In the two years I've raised him, he has only slept in a bed once and it wasn't for very long. Not that I am complaining. Often times, I would rather keep him in my arms than let him go off by himself. I can tell that he prefers as much too. 

He's already so big, two years olds, one sweep old by the Alternian calendar. It has been rather stressful to keep it secret that I had been raising Karkat, but it's finally that time where I can take over as primary care giver without being in violation of the laws that govern our hemospectrum.

I feel like I am waiting for something as he yawns and then I realize why. Karkat is one sweep and he still hasn't spoken a word. He has never tried to speak in baby jibberish or say no, whether for fun or in defiance, nor has he tried to say my name. I sigh, feeling a disappointed smile on my face as he slides off my chest and onto the bed to search for his pacifier. I can't help but guiltily glance at the drawer handles on my night stand. He turns back to me with teary eyes and starts whining. I sit up in bed and reach out towards him and he mirrors me. I take him into my arms and cuddle him close.

"What's wrong, my little cuddle crab?" I coo at him, kissing his forehead. "Let's get you some breakfast. That should perk you right up."

There's a sinking feeling in my stomach as I listen to him sniffle and whine with his arms around my neck and face buried in it's curve. It can't be helped. I have to wean him sometime or he won't survive as a lowblood because he'll only get pushed around more than he is fated to. I feel a deep sigh come and go as I realize that I'm babying him far too much. It's hard to tell him no and make him grow up. 

I get out of bed and carry Karkat past Crabdad in the living room, taking my time so that he can see Crabdad but quickly up my pace as he starts crying and fanging my shoulder with his surprisingly sharp baby teeth. He still doesn't like Crabdad for anything and finds him terrifying. I set Karkat in his booster seat and proceed to make breakfast, settling on pancakes. 

I cannot help laughing as Karkat struggles to get his food eaten without dripping syrup all over his crab patterned onesie. He fusses after he finishes, rubbing his hands together to try and get the syrup off, his little eyebrows scrunched as he pouts. I come to his aid with a damp washcloth and clean him up. He reaches out to me and I take him into my arms after tossing the cloth in the sink.

"You're all sticky, Kitten!" I tease, blowing kisses on his cheek.

He giggles and pushes my cheek away with his tiny hands. I carry him into the bathroom and start the water for his bath. I slip him out of his onesie and set him down on the floor so that my hands are free to check the temperature of the water and shut off the faucet. As I turn around, I roll my eyes and shake my head. I forgot to close the bathroom door. I speed walk out to the hallway to catch a glimpse of him toddling into my room, only in his diaper. Another sight to make me sigh. He still has trouble with accidents, especially at night when Crabdad is the most active since he tries to stay out of the way during the day so he doesn't scare our mini Vantas. 

I walk into my room and look around. He's getting better at hiding these days. He's still not a fan of taking a bath, but he never stays hidden long enough to really avoid it.

"Oh my goodness! Oh no! I can't find him anywhere! Maybe I should get Crabdad to help me find him!" I fake panic as I half-heartedly search obvious hiding places.

Within a matter of seconds, he crawls out from under the bed and starts tugging on my pajama pants. I pretend to be relieved and he looks up at me with a guilty expression like had just drawn on the walls and knew he shouldn't have.

"Let's get you cleaned up." I chuckle, covering him in kisses before he pushes my face back, practically sticking his hands in my mouth.

Back in the bathroom, I lay him down on the mat next to the bath tub and remove his diaper. I set him in the tub and clean him up. I leave his bath toys in the tub with him and turn to leave and grab his clothes from his room. He whines and starts trying to climb out of the tub. I dash back over just barely preventing him from slipping and cracking his chin open.

"Karkat! I forbid you from trying that again! That was very bad! You could have gotten hurt!" I scold him, not bothering to wrap him in a towel before hugging him to my chest. "Do you want to get hurt? Do you want me to cry?"

Karkat sniffles and shakes his head before he starts crying. My heart beat pulsing rapidly echoes in my ears and guilt overwhelms me as I listen to his sobbing. 

"Ssshhh, little one, ssshhh." I soothe in a soft murmur, nuzzling his cheek and ear. "Don't cry, it's okay. I am right here. I did not mean to upset you, angel. You simply cannot scare me like that."

He pulls back to look up at me, his eyes red and puffy as he sniffles. He gives me kisses as his way of saying he's sorry. I give him kisses back to let him know it's okay. He starts to shiver and I brush his bangs out of his face as I wrap him in a towel.

"Are you ready to get dressed? Lolo and Nana are coming." 

I invited Dolorosa and Kanaya over to try to get Karkat to be more social and to get Dolorosa's advice on Karkat's silence. He's obviously not mute because he can whine like a champion. It's just so odd that he's afraid of Crabdad and he still won't talk.

Karkat nods as I set him down in his room and grab his clothes and a pull up. I get him dressed and walk into my room, hearing him toddle along behind me in his oversized sweater and socks with the cancer sign on them. He watches as I gather up my clothes and walk into the bathroom, still following me.

"Alright, kitten, go play. I'm going to take a bath and if you stay I am going to assume you want to take one too." I instruct him.

He shakes his head and quickly toddles off. I close the door smirking and shaking my head. I quickly get through the shower and get dressed. As I toss my hair back after towel drying it, carefully avoiding my horns, I hear the front door opening and Crabdad greeting Dolorosa and Kanaya. I slip out of the bathroom and greet the Maryams before going on the hunt for Karkat. He makes me want to call Meulin to track him. 

"Karkat, come out. Lolo and Nana are here to see you. I will not wait long before I go get Crabdad." I warn him, standing in the hallway with my arms crossed over my chest.

He creeps out of his room and stands in the hallway only on his left foot, leaning against the wall. The confusion is clear on my face as I slowly approach him. I reach out to him and only reaches his right hand out to me, the look on his face clearly displaying his resistance to the urge to cry.

"Kitten, what happened?" I ask as I pick him up and hold him like a baby. 

He's still very small for his age. He just stares up at me his lip trembling.

"Did you hurt your ankle?" I ask, gently touching it and starting to move it. 

I stop touching it as he cries out and nods. I quickly go to the living room and walk up to Dolorosa, my eyes wide in shock and confusion. I do sing in the shower but surely I still would have heard if he had caused some uproar and gotten hurt.

"What happened?" Dolorosa asks as she inspects the damage.

"I don't know. The primary reason I invited you over was to request your advice because Karkat has never spoken a word in his two years. He still won't speak, but he's not mute because he whines quite exceptionally." I explain.

"That's fairly unusual, I must agree. Well, it seems he just strained it. Just keep him off of it and ice it for an hour. He should be fine."

Dolorosa smiles warmly as she nuzzles Karkat's cheek. I hadn't realized I had stopped breathing until now as I sigh in relief.

"Why don't you send them back to Karkat's room so we can talk?" Dolorosa suggests, taking Kanaya in her arms.

I nod and carry Karkat to his room after grabbing a washcloth full of ice to lay on his ankle.

"Be good now, kitten. You and Nana are going to play in here while I talk to Lolo." I tell him giving him kisses as I situate the ice on his ankle. "Sit still for a while okay?"

He immediately starts whining and I stand with my back to the wall outside his room. Unexpectedly, I hear him stop crying and peer in. I watch as Kanaya, kneeling behind him, wraps one arm around him and uses her free hand to stroke his hair. He grips her arm with his hands and starts Fanging it, which makes me nervous. Kanaya simply cringes and continues to pet him. I can't help but smile and a tear escapes, rolling down my cheek like hot wax. I feel a hand on my shoulder and look to see Dolorosa smiling sympathetically. 

"I know what you're thinking and No, you are not. He will be a wonderful boy and then a very charismatic young man." She assures me as we walk back to the living room.

We talk until it's time to make lunch for the kids. After lunch, we allow them to play for awhile before laying them down for a nap.

"Karkat, come here, little one." I smile squatting and extending my arms. "It's nap time, isn't it?"

He rubs his eyes and gets up from where he was playing with stuffed animals with Kanaya. He quickly toddles over to me and reaches up to wrap his arms around my neck before burying his face in it.

"Do you want your song, angel?" I murmur, settling into the rocking chair in the living room after Crabdad goes back to the den.

He nods as Kanaya curls up with Dolorosa on the couch.

"Moonlight  
falling down upon your tears  
They sparkle in sapphire drops  
spilling from amber eyes  
as i dispel all the lies  
fighting each fear until it stops  
I'll be here through the years 

Goodnight  
I watch your eyes close softly  
Your hands cling to my sweater  
your eyes watching mine  
My child by heavenly design  
I will make everything better  
As you fall asleep atop me.

Sunlight  
It's time for you to awaken  
see that I'm still here  
Smiling at you my mini-mirror  
I can think of nothing dearer  
I will always be near  
And my promise never shaken

My sweet child  
I'll never let you go  
I promise this now  
and always do know  
I can never say no  
Ever since you first smiled  
I promise to never be far  
Because I want to be where you are." I sing in a hushed tone, finishing the song for the promise it makes even though he's fallen asleep.

After a while, I hear an odd sound for the company around me. There's a purring sound. I look at Dolorosa mouthing 'Can you believe this?' as I realize that it's Karkat. My baby is purring. Purring like a cat. My heart practically falters unable to handle the sweetness of this child that I am blessed with. Perfection, your name is Karkat Vantas.

I can't imagine a world in which we are separated. I still go out cloaked and disguised to gather my followers and remind them that the hemospectrum is only a ploy that we have to dismantle. Lord help me if I should be found out and tragedy befall the only other Virtue in my life. Karkat Vantas. I died once before for this cause, but now it's different.


	3. Preschool: Karkat's First Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat goes to Preschool and hears some questionable terms. His first day, he says his first words. What will they be?  
> Aranea is a horrible Preschool teacher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ THIS: I switch from first to third person part way through when Kankri drops Karkat off at Preschool.

 "Wakey wakey, Kitten." I whisper nuzzling Karkat's cheek. "Time to get ready. You have a very big important day ahead of you."

Karkat moans as he closes his eyes tighter and rubs them, already pouting. I smile weakly as he puts his pacifier back in. I need a better hiding place and the will to tell him no. It's excrutiating how hard it is to say no to him when he's a perfect angel in comparison to most of the other wrigglers.

"I know it's earlier than you like, but it will be worth it, I promise."  

I kiss his forehead as I sit up, holding him to my chest. Carrying him out to the kitchen, I go through our normal morning routine. After his bath, which he is fortunately too tired to fight, I get him dressed, smiling at my small victory of containing his accidents to be only a night time issue.

"Let's go get you strapped into your car seat, cuddle crab."

I pick him up and he rests his head on my shoulder with his arms around my neck as I walk out to the car. I strap him in and get in the car myself, scanning my thumb on the starter pad to start the engine and driving towards the elementary school. I park in front of the school, scanning my thumb once more to shut the engine off. I get out, open the rear passenger door and carefully unstrap my sleeping child. I slip his pacifier out and leave it in his car seat. I grab his stuffed crab from the seat and tuck it in my pocket. It was hard, but I made a deal that he could only have his pacifier when it was time to sleep.

"Kitten, you need to wake up now. It's time for your big day to start!" I whisper, kissing his cheek and papping his bottom.

I enter the classroom as he starts to wake up and look around for Aranea, his Preschool teacher. How she got the job is beyond my comprehension. The woman swears like no other and her patience is that of a newly caged wild animal. Not to mention her persistence in flirtation with me despite my gentle but obvious rejections. How many times must I blow my whistle before she understands? Mituna is much more comprehensive than she is and he has been in many think pan compromising accidents.

"Hello, Kankri, I'm glad you enrolled him into my class. It will give us a new way to bond." Aranea suggests with a wink as she approaches from across the room, weaving between wrigglers.

"I'm sorry, Kitten, but it is absolutely necessary." I whisper as I pull out my whistle and proceed to blow into it. "No. You are not using my child for such inappropriate actions. That is very offensive."

"Do you even know what you're saying or do you just say it because you're convinced it sounds intelligent, like your decision to display your horrendous blood color?" She questions with a smirk as she rolls her eyes.

"Perhaps I should wait another year. He is only two and half sweeps." I say, with mock pleasantry.

"Vantas, you and I both know he needs this because you baby him far too much." 

She gives me an expectant look and I return it with a glare. I reluctantly set him down, re-situating his over sized sweater over his leggings.

"I will be back to pick him up at the end of class." I sigh and then turn to Karkat, squatting next to him. "Come here, Kitten, time for hugs and kisses."

He rushes right into my arms, wrapping his arms around my neck. We give each other hugs and kisses and before leaving I hand him his stuffed crab with an envelope. I turn and leave before he can realize that I am not staying with him.

"You won't regret this, Kankri." Aranea calls, petting Karkat's head as I turn back to see him once more before I leave him for the first time.

"Tell that to my regret." I murmur as I walk away with anxiety buzzing in the back of my mind, bringing up images of all that can go wrong.

\------------PERSPECTIVE CHANGE------------

Karkat opens the envelope, his curiosity overwhelming him. He finds only a small rectangle with Kankri kissing his cheek on it. A picture small enough to fit in his little hand. He looks up to try and hand it back to Kankri, thinking there was some mistake. His confusion takes the place of his curiosity as he realizes that Kankri's gone. He starts to pout and whine as he looks around, not finding him anywhere. He looks up at Aranea with tears gathering in his eyes.

"Come here, mini Kranki Krab!" She cooes sympatheticallly as she takes him into her arms. "You get to play with me and all your little friends today."

Karkat starts to cry, clutching his crab and the picture in one hand and pushing against Aranea's chest with the other as he squirms.

"Alright then, go play with the others. You'll be fine." Aranea says a bit coldly as she sets him down. "Whiny little shit."

Karkat runs towards the open corner next to the cubbies and curls up with his back against the wall. Clutching his stuffed crab, he continues to cry. After a few minutes, little Kanaya comes over and paps his head comfortingly, extending her arms out to him. He extends his right arm out to her and she sits with her legs in a v, her little red skirt fanning out around her as she pulls him into her arms.

"Thewe, thewe, kitty." Kanaya says, one hand resting on his back while the other pets his messy hair.

"Nana!"  Sollux calls as he dashes over. "Ewidan is being mean!"

"Ewidan, no!" Kanaya yells at Eridan as he starts running towards them.

"Ewidan! Come pway!" Feferi calls to him with a puppy dog look and he goes to her, knowing that he is trouble with Kanaya.

"Thank you Nana." Sollux says, blushing a little. "Who that?"

"Kawkat." She anwers, nuzzling him.

"Kawkat?" Sollux says it like a question.

Karkat peers up at Sollux, sniffling a little as he hiccups.

"I caw you KK?" Sollux asks, kneeling next the two.

Karkat looks at Kanaya and she nods supportively. He nods to Sollux, who turns his head in curiosity as to why his new friend won't speak.

"He tawks?" Sollux asks.

"No." Kanaya answers.

"Pway wit me?" Sollux asks reaching his hand out to Karkat.

Karkat looks to Kanaya again who once again reassures him it's okay. He takes Sollux's hands and Sollux introduces him to the other wrigglers and they play together until lunch and then continue to play again until nap time.

At nap time, Karkat throws a fit. He has never, that he can remember, slept anywhere but in Kankri's arms. All of his new wriggler friends try their best to comfort him to no avail. His panic and discomfort is only exacerbated by the absence of his picture of him and Kankri. With no luck for the other kids, they all fall asleep tired from all the playing and attempts to comfort their friend.

"Karkat, come." Aranea commands as she stands by the door, a recording of a piano sonata playing by the other kids sleeping on their mats, cuddled and covered up.

Karkat obeys, hugging his crab to his chest.

"First, here's you little picture." She whispers, handing it back to him. "Now. What the hell is wrong with you? You are crying excessively like a little bi-brat. Answer me damn it!"

At that moment, Karkat finally decided to say his first word.

"Daddy!" Karkat sobs, clutching the picture to the crab against his chest.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"D-d-daaddyy!" He sobs again.

"Who in the ever loving fuck is that?" Ms. Serket demands, her patience surprisingly still able to wear thinner.

"Won d-d-daaaaddyyy!" He responds showing her the picture.

"Why? Why don't you just go the fuck to sleep? He's coming after you wake up!" She snaps.

Karkat drops down to his bottom and continues to cry. Exasperated and desperate for silence, Ms. Serket takes Karkat in her arms, carries him to the principal's office and sets him down on the chair next to the reception desk.

"He's disrupting my class! He refuses to sleep and it is nap time. I'm leaving him in your capable hands." Aranea says, shaking her head as she storms out of the office.

Ms. Meulin Leijon, the receptionist, steps out from behind her desk and slowly approaches the crying child.

"What's the matter, Kitten?" Meulin asks, crouching down in front of him.

"D-d-daaaaddyyy!" Karkat hiccups, showing her the picture.

"You miss him, don't you?" She purrs.

Karkat nods and Ms. Leijon holds her arms out to him. He practically jumps into her arms and she carries like a baby him over to her desk. Nestling him in her arms, she hums a little song that soon puts him to sleep. She keeps him in her arms while he sleeps and she calls Kankri a few minutes before dismissal to redirect him to the office, where Karkat, still sniffling and puffy-eyed, sits in her arms.

\--------PERSPECTIVE CHANGE--------

I feel a sense of urgency to get to Karkat after the call I received from Meulin. I forgot that he would still be there for nap time and he did not have access to me or his pacifier. I honestly had not thought that through. I dash up the side walk and sprint to the office, breathing a sigh of relief upon seeing him in Meulin's care.

"Karkat!" I exclaim with relief and guilt as I walk around the desk to him.

"Daddy!" He says in sad little voice that makes me stop abruptly and my stomach drop in surprise.

"What was that?" I ask, my eyes wide in astonishment.

"Daddy!" His whiny tone comes back, assuring me that he is in fact my child.

"Oh my! Come here, sweet child!" I smile, crying with happiness and pride that he's finally said his first word.

I cuddle him in my arms, giving him his pacifier from my pocket and showering him in kisses. He giggles and waves bye to Ms. Leijon.

"Thank you so very much, Meulin. It means more than my insufferable speeches can say that you took such good care of him." I say, bouncing Karkat in my arms as I start to walk out the door.

"I will not make you go back if you are not ready. I should not have done that to you." I shower him in kisses again before buckling him into his car seat.

He looks up at me with sad, confused eyes as I sniff and wipe my tears away and says, "No cwy, daddy!"

"Not even happy tears?" I ask.

"NO!" He whines.

I laugh as I finally hear the one word that wrigglers seem to pick up the easiest. He reaches for me and I come closer to him. He takes a turn and showers me in kisses, making me laugh more before I put his pacifier back in his mouth as he giggles.

Arriving at home, I feel a sense of contentment for the first time in my nine sweeps. Karkat nodded off on the drive home and I am thankful as I feel my tears come back again. I have never felt so normal, like the hemospectrum never existed. It is an amazing feeling. As I listen closely, I hear him purring once again as he latches onto my sweater with his tiny hands.

At the end of the day, I change him into his red footie pajamas and I slip into my own pajama shirt and pants. Taking him into my arms once more, I curl up with him on my chest, his pacifier in his mouth and his heavy eyes sparkling like rubies. 

"Daddy has something very important to tell you, Karkat." I say in a low tone.

He looks up at me as his eyebrows scrunch together and he sucks on his pacificer anxiously.

"Ssshhh, angel. It's alright." I reassure him before continuing. "I love you, Karkat. You are my child and the greatest gift I have ever received. After today, I realize that there is something you must know. No matter what happens, whether I stay by your side every second or I have to leave you, I love you. Even when I am no where near you, I am with you. I am in your heart. We are in the stars. Someday, I may have to leave you for much longer than I did today. When that happens, you must be strong. You will take my place one day and I will be by your side the whole way. Living on through you, through the memories in your head and, most importantly, the love in your heart. As long as it exists and you remember who we are, I will live through you."

I cannot help my tears and am shocked when I find Karkat purring as tears stain his face. He takes his pacifier out of his mouth and kisses my tears. I smile and nuzzle him before putting his pacifier back in his mouth, watching him cuddle up to me as I turn out the lights. I sing his lullaby, listening to him suck on his pacifier and simultaneously purr as we both fall alseep.


	4. Elementary School/ Pre-Adolescence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat finally adjusts to the separation from Kankri, but it came a little too soon.

"Hurry up and grab your bag, kitten." Dad says as he opens the door for me.

"I'm coming! Just a second!" I call grabbing my backpack and dashing out the door towards the car.

"Are you excited for your first day of second grade?" He asks as we get in the car and take off for school.

"Yeah. Sollux said he would wait for me in front of the school so we could find our class together." I answer, watching our hive disappears from sight and the others that we pass by. 

"What about your other friends?" 

"Gamzee said he's meet us in the classroom and Kanaya too." 

"It sounds like your day will be packed full of fun if you are all in the same class."

"It will be. We always have fun!" 

I watch as we pull up to the school. Suddenly I feel less confident as my stomach drops and my heart beat picks up. Dad gets out of the car and opens my door, grabbing my backpack and urging me to get out of the car. I swallow and try to make myself still seem excited so that I won't have to hear some lecture about what I was like as a baby and a toddler and how different I should be now.

"Alright, little one, here's Your backpack and I believe I see Sollux and his dad coming around the corner there. I need to get going. I will pick you up after school as per usual. I will call if I am kept late, though I wouldn't miss your first day for anything!" He goes on to say as he helps me slip on my backpack. "Bye bye Karkat. Have fun with your friends, cuddle crab."

He starts walking toward the car and I panic.

"Daddy wait!" I call, running after him.

"Karkat, baby, what's the matter?" He asks, pausing and squatting down to my eye level.

"Daddy, you forgot hugs and kisses!" I say, the nervousness breaking through in my voice.

"Come here, baby. It's alright." He says as he embraces me and gives me kisses. "When you were a baby, you refused to be any where but in my arms and I couldn't bring myself to separate us. As you got to be a little toddler, I thought you would grow out of it. You would hide when it was bath time and play with your stuffed crab quietly on the floor while I read on the couch. When it came time for Preschool, we discovered you had anxiety problems. I dropped you off on your first day and it was barely two minutes before you were in tears and hiding in a corner. After that you calmed down, but when it came to nap time, you had a complete meltdown. I didn't make you go back for the rest of the week and the following week I made a compromise. I was afraid to leave you there scared and unsure and you were afraid to be there without me. I stayed with you all day the first day and gradually stayed less and less until you were more comfortable with being there. It was damaging because you were frightened in kindergarten when I didn't follow the same system. I can't risk getting stuck in that pattern. If we do, you will never survive the hierarchy of our governing hemospectrum. It's not right."

"Daddy, I know. I just..." I say, feeling my eyes burning as he holds me in his arms.

"Get scared. That's natural, baby. you just need find other things to focus on. Remember this?" He says, pulling away a bit to pull out a picture of him kissing my cheek when I was a baby and hand it to me.

"Yeah, that's the picture you gave me so I wouldn't feel so alone at school when I was little."

"That's right, Karkitten. Always keep this with you and you will never feel alone. I am always with you-"

"Even when you can't be next to me. And when I feel alone at night while you're with your friends, I can look up at our tiny crab and know that you're there and we mean something. That we are however big or small a part of this world." I sniffle.

It scares me that he told me that because it sounds like he plans to be gone. I don't know what I would do if he were gone forever.

"Ssshh, don't cry. As long as I can help, I will be here for you. Now, let's see one of your handsomest smiles." He says, embracing me and giving me kisses before pulling back to wipe my tears and watch my smile appear.

:Looking into his eyes, I see a confidence that I just don't have. Somehow it makes me feel comfortable to know that he is sure his words are true. All of his friends think he the best and most honest troll in Alternia. I think he's all that and more. I smile at him and hugs me again and gives me kisses again. I bury my face in his neck just like I've always done with my arms around it. He smiles as he releases himself from my grip.

"Sollux is waiting for you, angel. Go have fun and be with your friends. School will make you smarter and braver. Someday you will be a great leader. I can practically see the leader sprouting in your eyes. You will make me proud. I know you will." He tousles my hair before giving me a gentle push towards Sollux. Mr. Captor joins my dad as they watch us meet and head towards the school's giant front doors.

"Hey KK." Sollux says as he grabs my hand, something he's done ever since we were toddlers.

"Hey, Sol." I sniff, looking down at my feet as I walk. 

"What's the matter KK?" Sollux asks as we pause on the other side of the clear glass doors and I look back to watch my dad drive off with his following.

"I'm scared." I mumble, looking down again.

"Why?"

"Whenever daddy gives me these talks, it sounds like he plans to be gone a long time and soon. I'm afraid of what a long time would be and I don't know what I would do if he weren't here to teach me and help me. I'm not brave or smart. He thinks I will be and I don't want to let him down, but I'm a stupid scaredy cat!" I admit, still sniffling and feeling tears like streaks of fire burn my cheeks.

"KK, you're not stupid. You know a lot more than most of us without even listening to most of the teacher's lessons. You understand things better and the fact that you're even trying to be on your own proves you're brave. You're my best friend and I wouldn't lie to you." Sollux reassures me, his lisp especially prominent.

"I know you wouldn't but I still don't feel good about him leaving today. I heard him come home when I got up and he looks really tired. We cuddle at night and he leaves after I'm asleep. I don't like it. He never tells me why all of this is so important or what he does." 

"KK, he's your daddy. He knows what he's doing. Do you want to cuddle?"

Sollux doesn't really like cuddling, but he does it to make me feel better. He's my best friend and he knows me better than I do. I nod and he walks, with his hand holding mine, to our classroom. We walk in sit next to each other. I rest my head on his shoulder, my hands between my knees, and he puts his left arm around me. I didn't sleep well last night after I discovered that dad left the house around midnight, which leaves me falling asleep on Sol's shoulder while we wait for everyone else to arrive and Ms. Maryam to start teaching.


	5. Death on His Doorstep

"Karkat, do you care to join us, little one?" Ms. Maryam smiles as she laughs a bit.

"Yes, Miss." I answer, rubbing my eyes and flushing as I realize I drooled all over Sollux's shoulder.

"Gross, Karkles!" Terezi laughs from behind me.

"Shut it Tz." Sollux sommands before I can respond. "It'2 not like you don't drool in your 2leep. Ju2t look at your paper."

Terezi flushes as she notices the water marks on her paper and realizes hoe embarrassing it is. I turn my attention back towards Ms. Maryam as the phone rings.

"Ms. Maryam! Purrim! For Claws' sakes! pick up please!" Ms. Leijon, Daddy's matesprit, calls over the speaker before Ms. Maryam answers.

"Yes, Ms. Leijon?" ms. Maryam answers with a look of agitation on her face. "....Yes.... Of course he's still here... What? Why is that a concern?.... Muelin, stop! What is going on?"

I watch as Ms. Maryam's face scrunches and twists as her body becomes rigid. I feel awkward and terrible for eavesdropping but my curiosity keeps me intent on figuring out what's upsetting her while Sollux and Terezi resolve their bickering after Vriska gets her opinion in. Ms. Maryam slips her gaze over to me and then sheilds her eyes as she lowers her voice for he response.

"We can't do that... Do you want us all dead? How are they supposed to survive if we get ourselves culled?... Muelin! Will you stop and think for once? You are far too emotional to be rational... Shut up. No. That is not acceptable and I want no part. You of all trolls should understand... FIne/ I won't tell but you can."

My heart picks up and my body tenses as I realize something bad happened. I jump as Sollux grabs my hand, trying to hold under our desks. He looks at me with concern and I lay across his lap, holding his right hand next to my cheek with the picture Daddy gave me.

"What'2 that KK?" Sollux asks, tracing his sign on my back as his fingers lazily run up my spine to play hide and seek in my hair.

"A picture..." I say, my eyes watering as I realize how much I'd rather be at home right now. My stomach clenches and does flips in side my body while my throat feels like sandpaper.

"A picture of what?" He asks as I tuck it away, listening to the others whispering about me and Sollux, the way we interact.

"Karkat, Come with me please." Ms. Maryam requests, grabbing my backpack and putting it over her shoulder.

"Ms. Maryam! I'm here!" Gamzee calls, just coming into the classroom as I start to get up.

"Gamzee, why must you always come late to my class?" Ms. Maryam questions. "Doesn't your father care about your punctuality and education?"

"Yes, miss, but he um had stuff to do this morning." Gamzee says, looking down and away from Ms. Maryam.

"Alright, well, take a seat. I have to escort Karkat to the office." She sighs.

"But Ms. Maryam, maybe you should talk to my dad. I think he needs to talk to you."

"Well, like I did this morning, he will have to wait."

"Yes, miss..." Gamzee looks really nervous and it makes me nervous too.

"Alright, Karkat, let's hurry along to the office." She says before adding in a hushed voice, "Before Ms. Laijon hacks up a hairball..."

"KK, what'2 going on?" Sollux asks, every bit as confused as me. 

"I don't know!" I answer, starting to cry, much to my embarrassment.

Sollux gets up and hugs me. Ms. Maryam sighs.

"Sollux, why don't you walk Karkat to the office so that I can fix the attendance to ensure its accuracy?" She says, handing him my backpack, and he nods feverishly as he puts his arm around me and we walk towards the door.

We walk to the office in silence, Sollux carrying my backpack, while holding hands. Ms. Leijon rushes to hug me in a rather suffocating grip.

"You're coming home with me tonight, kitten!" She sniffles as she nuzzles my cheek.

"No... It's supposed to be my night.... with daddy..." I pull away looking at her with confusion blanketing my expression.

"No, kitten. It can't be. Not anymore." She says, her heart breaking in her eyes as her green tears spill over and paint her cheeks.

"I don't get it... What do you mean? Daddy would never lie! Especially to me!" I protest.

"KK, maybe you 2hould come home with me... Dad'2 alway2 a2king when you're coming over again. I bet they're already at my hive." Sollux suggests, seeming to understand something that I don't.

"But... he promised... He always picks me up on the first day!" I say, turning to Sollux.

"Maybe he'2 tired.... You 2aid he 2tayed out late la2t night..." Sollux suggests, the same look that was on Gamzee's face now creeping onto his.

"No! I'm going home now! I want to see Daddy now!" I argue, running out of the office and then the school, all the way to my house.

The door is already part way open and there's cherry red on everything. The house is trashed, daddy's books are charred on the living room floor. His sweater is hanging by the door. I grab it and pull it on over my own sweater and jeans. I keep walking and I see chips of white everywhere. As they get bigger in size the further I go, I pick one up and I recognize the texture and cringe. It has to be Crabdad's shell... He shouldn't be molting yet... What's going on?

I walk through the house not finding any thing different. I hear growling outside and I go out into the back yard.

I freeze just outside the door.

Daddy is cuffed and chained to the giant tree outside, all of the other parent trolls are here, except Ms. Maryam and MS. Leijon.

"Karkat..." Daddy says breathlessly and then shouts, "KARKAT! GO! NOW! THIS IS NO PLACE FOR YOU. LEAVE NOW."

I stay frozen, sobbing.

"DADDY!" I screech in body- shaking sobs.

"I love you, Karkat! Never forget! Look to the stars! We are forever painted in the sky and I will never truly die. I will always be with you..." He cries, streams of our mutated blood running down his face as Mr. Zahhak knocks an arrow to his bowstring. "I LOVE YOU! Love is stronger than hate and you will lead Alternia to heaven. I believe in you. Make me proud!"

The arrow dives into his heart.

The other trolls starts to swarm me as Mr. Zahhak shoots more arrows into my father. Suddenly, I;m being carried off and I look to see that Mr. Captor has taken off with me. The others simply watch as we esacpe. Mr. Makara is watching and our eyes lock before we're out of his sight. I remember the gesture that Vriska taught us and stick out my middle finger in defiance.


End file.
